So here it goes. After much prayer, consultation and clear affirmation I realize I need to release before people: my story, myself, my family and probably more I can’t foresee. As I’ve begun sharing there’s been the oxymoronic sense of relief and embarrassment, peace and shame, sadness and joy.  And I think that’s good. While at times I feel that in my depression and my manias I’m just being selfish, I’ve learned that times like these often require a bit of focus on self introspection, healing & the like. And amazingly enough I’ve been more generous, sacrificing and willing to help than ever in the weeks since really knowing I needed to step away from church ministry for an indefinite season. In release and submission has come better ministry opportunities and joy than some times when “in ministry.”

You know, I wrote that first paragraph a few days ago & I go back and forth knowing the limitations, the misunderstandings, the confusion for others and myself and the awkwardness that can potentially come of it all.  I wonder if people will think that I perhaps put others in harm’s way (particularly kids).  I wonder if folks will think I’m crazy.  I wonder if I’ll be judged.  And while I know I can’t live my life based on other’s opinions, I care.  I care that they are okay and aren’t concerned for fear.  I’m not a monster nor have I been for quite some time, but part of it is the changes I’ve made and the awareness that more will come.

Once I share there’s no going back to some degree, I’ll have that label to some; but I am okay with that . . . I think.

In God, whose Word I praise,in the Lord, whose Word I praise; In God I trust, I will not be afraid; what can man do to me? Psalms 56:10-11

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